Patience and kindness are your superpowers

I’m not very patient.

I like everything to be done NOW and I get frustrated when things get in the way of me making this happen.

So when I discovered this TEDxManchester talk by Oliver Burkeman, ‘Patience is a superpower’, I had to take a look. I felt impatient watching it however, if I hadn’t watched it I wouldn’t have benefited from his sense of calm and learned some valuable lessons.

In his talk, Oliver urges us to ‘practice creating waiting’ and says “If something is worth doing, be patient and take the time”. His talk gives us an important reminder of the recipe for a more meaningful life.

It’s a simple philosophy and one that most of us would benefit from devoting valuable time to getting right. There’s so much going on in our worlds, so many demands on our time, emotions and resources. With a little more patience and perspective, it is possible to achieve that never-ending task list.  

Do you ever feel slightly out of control?

I find it much easier to be patient with other people. Do you? We tend to be less patient with ourselves. I know that’s definitely the case with me.  

Having come through a difficult couple of years in my personal life, I know how it feels not to be in control of what’s coming at you. I’m grateful for all those people who have been patient with me and waited for me to be available and present for them.

Patience is a brilliant trait to possess. But is it all being patient or as much about being kind to yourself? Sometimes we put too much expectation on ourselves. Like when you return to work after a relaxing holiday. You know full well you’re not going to deliver anything on that first day back, so be kind to yourself and patient with the process of easing yourself back in. Maybe think about giving yourself an extra day’s leave to get back up to speed.  

You can only do one thing at a time

We need to be in the present to recognise and do what’s important. Everything else can and will wait. It’s natural to feel frustrated with yourself when you can’t get everything done. You can only do one thing at a time and sometimes that’s the biggest problem. Once you accept that, it becomes easier to get things done.

Here are my three tips on being patient with your to-do list:

1. Relax, breathe, and look at the big picture. What’s urgent? What promises do you need to keep?

2. Choose one or two things you are impatient to do first and give yourself plenty of time to achieve them. Push those other less important tasks out of your mind until you’ve completed them.

3. Enjoy doing these one or two tasks and focus on the sense of achievement they bring.

Tasks are on your list because they are important to you; you care about them. It’s within your power to choose what you work on and when you work on it.

Here’s a recent example...

It’s Tuesday evening. This is my list of five things I need to do.

1. Produce a detailed document for a client, promised by the end of the week.

2. Finish making a salted caramel tart (yum!) as a trial for Christmas.

3. Prepare for a photoshoot taking place the next day.

4. Send follow-up info to delegates from today’s training programme.

5. Respond to an email from a colleague at Radio Lollipop, the charity I support.

I looked at my list and felt overwhelmed and a little bit annoyed. I don’t like working in the evenings. I’m at my best in the morning when lists like this one seem a lot more achievable.

I stopped for a minute and followed the three steps above. I was patient with myself and gathered some perspective to assess and prioritise my list of tasks. I decided:

• Task 1 wasn’t urgent and could be done later in the week when I would enjoy immersing myself in it.

• Task 2 wasn’t going well. I decided to leave it until the weekend. There’s plenty of time left to bake before Christmas.

• I was too tired to complete task 3, so I wrote a list of all of the things I needed for my photoshoot and set this aside until the morning when I would be better prepared to collate them.

• I completed task 4. Getting the client project up to date felt good and I kept my promise to the delegates.

• I sat at the kitchen table (it felt more relaxed than my desk) and completed task 5 with a sense of purpose and fun.

The result? I feel much lighter for accomplishing two tasks, and I’m now really looking forward to completing the rest of my list.  

A little patience and kindness goes a long way

We have so much going on in our lives, so many demands on our time. Patience is a skill and a strength we could all benefit from working on, as well as being a little kinder to ourselves in the process.

If you found this post useful, you might also enjoy reading Prioritisation tips to get your to-do list done.

If you’re wondering how the salted caramel tart turned out, you’ll have to watch this space. I haven’t quite found the patience to try again!